Matt Saracen throws a football like an art school-bound introvert who stutters too much and is not qualified to be the quarterback of a pee-wee team from Vermont, let alone the main snap-taker of a perennial state championship contender in Texas high school football. This is a in-exhaustive list of people or things I would feel more comfortable with taking snaps than #7.

1. Christian Ponder

2. Johnny Manziel

3. Mr. Potato Head

4. John Kruk

5. Colin Cowherd

6. Tim Tebow

7. John Legend

8. Marcus Vick

9. A trout’s carcass

10. Jason Street (in a wheelchair)

11. Smash Williams (let’s run the wildcat, who cares)

12. Julie Taylor

13. Buddy Garrity (given)

14. Charles Manson

15. Garrett Gilbert

16. Matt Schaub

17. Ted Cruz

18. Shania Twain

19. Doug

20. Voodoo Tatum.