Alex Gordon is the worst. You would know this if you had ever owned Alex Gordon in your fantasy league, or if you have ever watched Alex Gordon play your favorite baseball team 19 times in six months. He’s the ultimate blend of good enough to the point where it feels like he is always getting a big hit against your team and bad enough that it feels like when he’s on your fantasy team he’s going 1 for 4 with 2 K’s every single game. And he’s always walking around with that half-grin on his face like an asshole. But Alex Gordon loves to hustle. Gotta love those gritty white dudes who hustle on every play — isn’t that right, Rex Hudler?

Anyway, this happened last year on July 3rd in Kansas City:

Some might call that divine intervention, seeing as it was Jason Michael Jordan Kipnis rounding the bases as Alex Gordon writhed in pain on the warning track. Some might call it Alex Gordon being a reckless outfielder that earns gold gloves because he has an absolute cannon of a right arm. Some might call it Alex Gordon taking a bad route to the ball, falling over, and slamming his head into the outfield wall and then pretending he was hurt because Jason Michael Jordan Kipnis was obviously going to score no matter what at that point. I’ll let you decide what to call it.

A little over a month later, Alex Gordon decided it was time to run into another outfield wall.

This time he even held on to the ball. As Rex Hudler said, “that is a facial if I’ve ever seen one.” Nice one, Rex.

And yesterday, Alex Gordon lost his glove trying to catch a ball that was to land five feet into the stands:

And today, at almost the exact same spot against the left field wall, Gordon went crashing in, didn’t make the catch, and walked away like the tough, gritty guy he may or may not be:

For those scoring at home, hitters in these videos slashed .500/.500/2.000 with a homer and two foul balls.

Look, I can’t knock the hustle, but I can call Alex Gordon the Ultimate Clown Show. Because he runs into walls all the time. Fuck that guy.



IMPORTANT: What does Slade think?

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BREAKING NEWS FOLKS: ALEX GORDON DOESN’T CARE ABOUT MY FANTASY TEAM. I’m fucking destroyed by this news. Good thing I would never draft Alex Gordon because he’s too busy crashing into walls to put up fantasy relevant numbers IMO.