Author Archive
Say It Ain't So: Your Raw-As-Fuck 2016 Super Bowl Mailbag

Say It Ain’t So: Your Raw-As-Fuck 2016 Super Bowl Mailbag

For the uninitiated: this is my third annual Super Bowl Mailbag. That feels like an accomplishment. The following takes are based on questions my friends submitted to me. This is actually the first year I had too many questions (and too much work to do!) to answer all of them, so big time apologies to...
Post Malone explains "White Iverson" on Rap Genius, Is a Fucking Idiot

Post Malone explains “White Iverson” on Rap Genius, Is a Fucking Idiot

You’ve probably heard the song “White Iverson” by Post Malone. It probably got stuck in your head afterward too. There is no shame in that – the song is undoubtedly catchy, and if you like basketball then you like Allen Iverson, and thus the song probably piqued your interest. But the question must be posed:...
Bob Nightengale's "Chemistry in Baseball" Take Is Too Hot To Be Real

Bob Nightengale’s “Chemistry in Baseball” Take Is Too Hot To Be Real

Bob Nightengale writes about baseball for USA Today and has now forced The Clown Show out of hibernation with the hottest take of the summer. Don’t blame me, folks. Blame Bob. Bob’s title is chronic, radioactive click-bait in its raw form: “From Field To Front Office, Many Believe Chemistry Still Matters In Baseball.” You hear that...
YOU GUYS

YOU GUYS

The Clown Show Has Peaked

The Clown Show Has Peaked

   
Marshawn Lynch, The Tune Squad, and Your 2015 Super Bowl Mailbag

Marshawn Lynch, The Tune Squad, and Your 2015 Super Bowl Mailbag

  There is nothing like the Super Bowl: shitty beer, junk food, and two teams that you don’t really like, playing in a game that will probably be a shitty, lopsided-affair, despite the pundits’ predictions on the contrary. Let’s take this time to answer some pressing questions — sometimes even relating to the Super Bowl itself —...
Stephen Curry Plays The Sport Formerly Known As Basketball

Stephen Curry Plays The Sport Formerly Known As Basketball

This strikes me as the type of thing Steph made up in the middle of doing it. I’m not even sure you could practice that move if you wanted to: it’s pure instincts, and Joakim Noah would probably not always be available for posing on his heels like a damn deer in headlights. Anyway, the Warriors...
Non-Cliched, Unpredictable Takes On 50 Non-Cliched Places To Visit

Non-Cliched, Unpredictable Takes On 50 Non-Cliched Places To Visit

I should really stay off of Facebook, but I can’t help myself. I end up clicking on lots of links just to see how stupid they are, which definitely means the creators of such posts have won, and I’m the stupid one. And today, shit got really stupid. I saw an article that is actually, literally, I swear-to-God, titled, “50...
Samaki Walker's Wikipedia Page Has A Nice, Tacked-On Sentence In It

Samaki Walker’s Wikipedia Page Has A Nice, Tacked-On Sentence In It

So I was in a produce store this morning and a dude was wearing a Lakers jersey, #52. The name on the back was “Walker.” Being a person that is afflicted by the chronic disease known as “I just gotta know sports facts, man,” I took a picture of his jersey and then Googled it when...
Thank God I'm A Country Boy

Thank God I’m A Country Boy

Real Talk.
The Real Issue Facing Modern Country Music

The Real Issue Facing Modern Country Music

One of the older jokes I know — and I’m sure you have heard it as well — goes like this: if you rewind a country song, your truck starts, your wife returns, and your dog comes back to life. People still recite that joke as though nobody has heard it, just as artists continue to...
Google Reviews of the Golden Gate Bridge Are The Strongest Takes

Google Reviews of the Golden Gate Bridge Are The Strongest Takes

    Please do not ask me why I first looked at reviews of the Golden Gate Bridge, because I could not answer that question. All I know is I found myself looking at them one day, and the experience taught me that reading Google (or Yelp, or whatever) reviews of a place you wouldn’t think to...