Author Archive
Just Like A Dream: Jason Kipnis Crushes Dong At Fenway Park

Just Like A Dream: Jason Kipnis Crushes Dong At Fenway Park

Show me show me show me how you do that Kip the one that makes me scream, she said the one that makes me laugh, she said and threw her arms around my neck …JUST LIKE A DREAM. Other fun Jason Kipnis antics at Fenway: Jason Kipnis, career at Fenway:
Ricky Bones

Ricky Bones

Ricky Bones.
Wayne Seldon's Uncle's Reaction Sums Up Dunks

Wayne Seldon’s Uncle’s Reaction Sums Up Dunks

Yesterday, Wayne Seldon dunked. His uncle reacted. This is everything I’ve ever felt, ever.
A List Of Quarterbacks I Would Prefer to Matt Saracen

A List Of Quarterbacks I Would Prefer to Matt Saracen

Matt Saracen throws a football like an art school-bound introvert who stutters too much and is not qualified to be the quarterback of a pee-wee team from Vermont, let alone the main snap-taker of a perennial state championship contender in Texas high school football. This is a in-exhaustive list of people or things I would...
Say It Ain't So: Your Raw-As-Fuck 2016 Super Bowl Mailbag

Say It Ain’t So: Your Raw-As-Fuck 2016 Super Bowl Mailbag

For the uninitiated: this is my third annual Super Bowl Mailbag. That feels like an accomplishment. The following takes are based on questions my friends submitted to me. This is actually the first year I had too many questions (and too much work to do!) to answer all of them, so big time apologies to...
Bob Nightengale's "Chemistry in Baseball" Take Is Too Hot To Be Real

Bob Nightengale’s “Chemistry in Baseball” Take Is Too Hot To Be Real

Bob Nightengale writes about baseball for USA Today and has now forced The Clown Show out of hibernation with the hottest take of the summer. Don’t blame me, folks. Blame Bob. Bob’s title is chronic, radioactive click-bait in its raw form: “From Field To Front Office, Many Believe Chemistry Still Matters In Baseball.” You hear that...
YOU GUYS

YOU GUYS

The Clown Show Has Peaked

The Clown Show Has Peaked

   
Marshawn Lynch, The Tune Squad, and Your 2015 Super Bowl Mailbag

Marshawn Lynch, The Tune Squad, and Your 2015 Super Bowl Mailbag

  There is nothing like the Super Bowl: shitty beer, junk food, and two teams that you don’t really like, playing in a game that will probably be a shitty, lopsided-affair, despite the pundits’ predictions on the contrary. Let’s take this time to answer some pressing questions — sometimes even relating to the Super Bowl itself —...
Stephen Curry Plays The Sport Formerly Known As Basketball

Stephen Curry Plays The Sport Formerly Known As Basketball

This strikes me as the type of thing Steph made up in the middle of doing it. I’m not even sure you could practice that move if you wanted to: it’s pure instincts, and Joakim Noah would probably not always be available for posing on his heels like a damn deer in headlights. Anyway, the Warriors...
Non-Cliched, Unpredictable Takes On 50 Non-Cliched Places To Visit

Non-Cliched, Unpredictable Takes On 50 Non-Cliched Places To Visit

I should really stay off of Facebook, but I can’t help myself. I end up clicking on lots of links just to see how stupid they are, which definitely means the creators of such posts have won, and I’m the stupid one. And today, shit got really stupid. I saw an article that is actually, literally, I swear-to-God, titled, “50...
Samaki Walker's Wikipedia Page Has A Nice, Tacked-On Sentence In It

Samaki Walker’s Wikipedia Page Has A Nice, Tacked-On Sentence In It

So I was in a produce store this morning and a dude was wearing a Lakers jersey, #52. The name on the back was “Walker.” Being a person that is afflicted by the chronic disease known as “I just gotta know sports facts, man,” I took a picture of his jersey and then Googled it when...