Drunk Power Rankings
NFL MIDSEASON DRUNK POWER RANKINGS (ALL CAPS)

NFL MIDSEASON DRUNK POWER RANKINGS (ALL CAPS)

We are now 50% of the way through the football season which means the Browns are just 25% of the way through losing twelve games. I’m 50% of the way through my third beer which means I’m 150% drunk. It’s time to power rank the NFL teams. As always, I am doing this without any resources other...
Your 2014 NFL Drunk Season Preview

Your 2014 NFL Drunk Season Preview

First and foremost: the following is conjecture, uniformed opinions, and ridiculously brutal projection. In other words, it is exactly the same as any other NFL season preview you might read today. If you are unfamiliar with how we do it at the Clown Show: I am making these predictions without looking anything up, be it team...
8/22/14 MLB Drunk Power Rankings

8/22/14 MLB Drunk Power Rankings

Guys, it’s been like a year since I did a drunk power rankings. Have you missed them? Don’t care. I’m doing the drunk power rankings now, so shut your traps, crack open a cold one, and let’s do this shit. As always, the idea is that I’m not going to look up players’ names, I’m...
This Is Me Power Ranking The Things That Jason Kipnis Does

This Is Me Power Ranking The Things That Jason Kipnis Does

I’ve had two Heady Toppers. If you don’t know what that means, look it up. As the world’s greatest human being, Jason Kipnis does a lot of things well. How many things? All of the things. But I’m here to power-rank just some of the things he does. 1. Breath oxygen 2. Hold baseball bat...
"Orioles May Keep Verlander Waiting," Or Tyler Kepner's Very Own Drunk Season Preview

“Orioles May Keep Verlander Waiting,” Or Tyler Kepner’s Very Own Drunk Season Preview

I usually enjoy reading Tyler Kepner’s articles in The New York Times. They are even, intriguing, and will neither drown you in Sabermetrics nor shy away from them. But Tyler Kepner was drinking some of that Clown Show Crunk Juice when he wrote Sunday’s Baseball Preview for the Times.  The article — a full newspaper page dedicated to 2014...
2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: NL East, That Division With All The Clowns

2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: NL East, That Division With All The Clowns

Would you rather: A) Read an MLB season preview written by sober baseball nerds? B) Read an MLB season preview written by drunk baseball nerds? If you answered A), you might have better luck here, or here. If you answered B), or for some reason clicked on those links and still find yourself reading this, then buckle...
2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: AL East, That Overrated Division

2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: AL East, That Overrated Division

Would you rather: A) Read an MLB season preview written by sober baseball nerds? B) Read an MLB season preview written by drunk baseball nerds? If you answered A), you might have better luck here, or here. If you answered B), or for some reason clicked on those links and still find yourself reading this, then buckle...
2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: AL Central, Land of the Free and the Home of the Tribe

2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: AL Central, Land of the Free and the Home of the Tribe

Would you rather: A) Read an MLB season preview written by sober baseball nerds? B) Read an MLB season preview written by drunk baseball nerds? If you answered A), you might have better luck here, or here. If you answered B), or for some reason clicked on those links and still find yourself reading this, then buckle...
2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: NL Central, That Division With the Chicago Cubs

2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: NL Central, That Division With the Chicago Cubs

Would you rather: A) Read an MLB season preview written by sober baseball nerds? B) Read an MLB season preview written by drunk baseball nerds? If you answered A), you might have better luck here, or here. If you answered B), or for some reason clicked on those links and still find yourself reading this,...
The 2014 Sprite Slam Drunk Contest

The 2014 Sprite Slam Drunk Contest

The dunk contest. Please, god, let it be better than it has been. I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It could be my hangover that has now made it all the way until 10:45 PM. It could be the chili I just ate. But it’s actually dread. I’m dreading the...
MLB Drunk Power Rankings, 8/26

MLB Drunk Power Rankings, 8/26

I am home in Vermont. I am from Vermont. There are approximately 1,200 people who live in this state. They are all really great. They also like to get drunk. As I sit on the couch in my childhood home, my brother and I realized we don’t have any other choice: we’re writing the drunk...
MLB Drunk Power Rankings-8/17

MLB Drunk Power Rankings-8/17

I’ve looked forward to this day since Major League Baseball released the 2013 schedule.  The Indians shat the bed, and couldn’t do anything when they needed to.  I was one of at least 2,000 people there. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. August 17th Drunk Power Rankings. 1. Detroit Tigers- When...