DRUNK
Inside Snoop: Drunken Gambling (With Sober Commentary)

Inside Snoop: Drunken Gambling (With Sober Commentary)

Author’s note: I wrote this fairly drunk. Reading it now, I can’t really tell, but I CAN see myself falling asleep at the end. It really tails off. So here it is without edits, plus my sober commentary. (Commentary in italics)  There’s a UT frat party next door. I am in bed, drunk (I was drinking in...
A Country Friday Double Shot (Whiskey Girl, Straight Tequila Night)

A Country Friday Double Shot (Whiskey Girl, Straight Tequila Night)

“Babes drink, too,” is this Friday’s lesson in country music. First, we have “Straight Tequila Night,” a 1991 smash-hit from 80’s country legend, John Anderson. This week we are getting lazy and using Wikipedia’s summaries of our two songs. Mostly because I’m lazy, as I said, but also because Wikipedia’s deadpan song summaries are beautiful:...
8/22/14 MLB Drunk Power Rankings

8/22/14 MLB Drunk Power Rankings

Guys, it’s been like a year since I did a drunk power rankings. Have you missed them? Don’t care. I’m doing the drunk power rankings now, so shut your traps, crack open a cold one, and let’s do this shit. As always, the idea is that I’m not going to look up players’ names, I’m...
This Is The Weirdest George Jones Performance of "White Lightning"

This Is The Weirdest George Jones Performance of “White Lightning”

George Jones is my guy. When Country Friday approaches and I don’t really have a plan, I default to songs by the Possum. I can promise you this is a practice that will continue. This Friday I am going with a bizarrely-staged live performance of Jones’ first number one hit, “White Lightning.” The song was...
"If Drinking Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)" By George Jones Is The Perfect Way To End Your Week

“If Drinking Don’t Kill Me (Her Memory Will)” By George Jones Is The Perfect Way To End Your Week

Guys, it’s Friday. If I’m being honest, I’ve been meaning to chronicle the insanely confusing Toby Keith song, “American Ride,” but have been writing about too much other stuff to get around to it. Like NASCAR races. And Home Run Derbies. And LeBron’s return to Cleveland. So I’m going with a classic. It’s one of...
THE 2014 GILLETTE HOME RUN DERBY SPONSORED BY GILLETTE

THE 2014 GILLETTE HOME RUN DERBY SPONSORED BY GILLETTE

Fair warning! The following is the most uninspiring, useless recap of the most uninspiring, useless thing ever created. If you want to have a dandy old time, go ahead and read last year’s Home Run Derby Recap, written by Lil’ Roro. It’s golden and even includes pictures. Like this one:  8:00: Hey! We’ve begun the...
Some Sights From The NASCAR Camping World RV Sales 301

Some Sights From The NASCAR Camping World RV Sales 301

Yesterday we went to the races. New Hampshire Motor Speedway. All the stars were out. Here is some photographic evidence of our day in heaven.     Anyway, as you can see the World Camping RV 301 was fackin’ awesome. Story to come later in the week.
Cole Swindell's "I Hope You Get Lonely Tonight" Is The One

Cole Swindell’s “I Hope You Get Lonely Tonight” Is The One

Look. I’m drunk. I’d write a lot of words about this song, but I’m not sure it is necessary because it is absolutely the country track of the year. Write it down. Cole Swindell — who I think wrote a bunch of songs for guys like Luke Bryan prior to busting on to the scene...
Your Hot Fantasy Tip Of The Week: These Fucking Dudes Have Retired

Your Hot Fantasy Tip Of The Week: These Fucking Dudes Have Retired

Written by MachadosMittens. The other day, my brother and I were sitting in our parents’ living room, drinking beer and staring at our own separate laptops. We are good, modern, American men — none of that talking bullshit flies in our household. Unsurprisingly, we were both looking at baseball statistics. With a chuckle, my younger...
"Orioles May Keep Verlander Waiting," Or Tyler Kepner's Very Own Drunk Season Preview

“Orioles May Keep Verlander Waiting,” Or Tyler Kepner’s Very Own Drunk Season Preview

I usually enjoy reading Tyler Kepner’s articles in The New York Times. They are even, intriguing, and will neither drown you in Sabermetrics nor shy away from them. But Tyler Kepner was drinking some of that Clown Show Crunk Juice when he wrote Sunday’s Baseball Preview for the Times.  The article — a full newspaper page dedicated to 2014...
2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: NL East, That Division With All The Clowns

2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: NL East, That Division With All The Clowns

Would you rather: A) Read an MLB season preview written by sober baseball nerds? B) Read an MLB season preview written by drunk baseball nerds? If you answered A), you might have better luck here, or here. If you answered B), or for some reason clicked on those links and still find yourself reading this, then buckle...
2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: AL East, That Overrated Division

2014 MLB Drunk Season Preview: AL East, That Overrated Division

Would you rather: A) Read an MLB season preview written by sober baseball nerds? B) Read an MLB season preview written by drunk baseball nerds? If you answered A), you might have better luck here, or here. If you answered B), or for some reason clicked on those links and still find yourself reading this, then buckle...