Football
I'LL SHOW YOU SOME FOOTBALL

I’LL SHOW YOU SOME FOOTBALL

  Oh, you wanna see the sport of football summed up in one GIF? Why don’t we run this one — an incomplete pass on a 3rd & 4 that had little effect on the outcome of this Bengals-Colts game from yesterday? BLITZ UP THE MIDDLE, DUDE HITS ANDREW LUCK IN THE RIB CAGE, TY...
Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie High Steps Thirty Yards, Has Pick 6 Called Back

Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie High Steps Thirty Yards, Has Pick 6 Called Back

      This one didn’t count because some Giants player knocked over Zach Mettenberger for absolutely no reason, long after the pass had already been picked off. But it will always count in our hearts and minds, because Dominic Rodgers-Cromartie just swaggered through a 6.0, 30-yard dash as though it were going out of style....
The American Male Id, Personified

The American Male Id, Personified

Note: this is supposed to be a GIF, but Word Press sucks and I refuse to keep trying. Good day.  
The Inside Snoop: "I Won 15 Cents On DraftKings.com"

The Inside Snoop: “I Won 15 Cents On DraftKings.com”

Author’s note: This was intended for publishing before yesterday’s games. However, after RickyAutomatic set me up with an account it took me a full two days to type the password — fuckthesox1918 — so this post is going up on Monday morning instead. Enjoy. Gambling on sports (read: football) has always fascinated me, partially because it seems...
FOOTBALL: Kyle Jefferson Gets Knocked Out In 2007

FOOTBALL: Kyle Jefferson Gets Knocked Out In 2007

This happened in 2007 and I haven’t stopped watching it since (be sure to turn the volume way up so you can hate me later): Why do we watch football, again? Don’t worry, the dude survived, I think. And he can probably write his name on a piece of paper without getting a migraine, sweating,...
Troy Polamalu Mistimes Snap Count Again

Troy Polamalu Mistimes Snap Count Again

“HEY WATCH ME JUMP OVER THAT GUY,” says Troy Polamalu. Well, this is awkward. What do we think Polamalu’s batting average is on these plays? .300? They called “encroachment” on him here — obviously — but shouldn’t this be a personal foul as well? I mean, if that isn’t a reckless hit on a(n Ivy...
How Did You Forget About Baseball?

How Did You Forget About Baseball?

Driving home from work on Sunday night, I turned on ESPN radio in hopes of hearing what happened on the final day of Major League Baseball’s regular season. Did the Tigers and Cards clinch? Did the A’s finally limp into the playoffs? Is Derek Jeter’s year-long retirement ceremony finally over? ESPN quickly reminded me that it...
Why Did It Take Two Videos For Us To Be Outraged By Ray Rice's Actions?

Why Did It Take Two Videos For Us To Be Outraged By Ray Rice’s Actions?

I did what many sports fans did this morning: I watched that video of Ray Rice punching his wife in the face, rendering her unconscious in an elevator. It was quite a way to wake up, and it seems to have also woken up the Baltimore Ravens, the NFL, and, hopefully, Rice himself. That is why,...
Your 2014 NFL Drunk Season Preview

Your 2014 NFL Drunk Season Preview

First and foremost: the following is conjecture, uniformed opinions, and ridiculously brutal projection. In other words, it is exactly the same as any other NFL season preview you might read today. If you are unfamiliar with how we do it at the Clown Show: I am making these predictions without looking anything up, be it team...
This Broncos Fan Is Here To Remind Us Of His Team's Torturous History, and That Chumbawamba Once Existed

This Broncos Fan Is Here To Remind Us Of His Team’s Torturous History, and That Chumbawamba Once Existed

Lest we forgot just how miserable it is to be a Broncos fan — for Christ’s sake, they’ve only won two Super Bowls in the last sixteen years — this drunk guy is here to remind us: Wait, did I hear him correctly? He had to put up with Tim Tebow, Kyle Orton, and Jake...
Oakland, Grady Sizemore, and the True Meaning of the Cleveland Browns: Saturday's Super Bowl Sunday Mailbag

Oakland, Grady Sizemore, and the True Meaning of the Cleveland Browns: Saturday’s Super Bowl Sunday Mailbag

I’ve always wanted to do a mailbag. So I’m doing one. All questions are provided by readers/my friends who probably won’t read this. I’m confused. I’m not surprised. Didn’t the pro bowl already decide what the best team in the nfl was? -Confused In Oakland A really great point. Team Jerry Rice is the best...
Dear America, Shut Up About Sportsmanship

Dear America, Shut Up About Sportsmanship

 (Photo credit: Mark Runyon | Pro Football Schedules) It’s time to stop lying about what football represents. In Sunday’s NFC Championship game, after Colin Kaepernick completed a 16 yard pass to Michael Crabtree to put the 49ers on the Seahawk’s 29 yard line down six points with 0:55 seconds to play in the fourth quarter, I...