Fuck The Royals
Colt McCoy The Winner Should Have Pitched In The World Series, Says Tweet

Colt McCoy The Winner Should Have Pitched In The World Series, Says Tweet

Pardon me, folks: I was late to the party on this tweet. And Randy Jackson, I owe you an apology, too, as your tweet has now become the greatest embedded tweet in the illustrious history of The Clown Show and it took me a full month and a half to find it. You see, here...
Why I Hate The Kansas City Royals

Why I Hate The Kansas City Royals

  My overt and public hatred of the Kansas City Royals has led several people to ask me a justifiable question: why the Royals, of all teams? I will admit: I, too, am baffled. If you had told me five years ago that I would spend the entire 2014 baseball season in physical pain over the...
When The Royals Lost and All Was Well

When The Royals Lost and All Was Well

For many of us watching the Wild Card game on Tuesday, there seemed no possible way that either the Royals or the Athletics would win.  Both teams seemed content giving the game away. The Royals were constantly battling back and using archaic baseball tactics to do so. Somehow, it kept working. The Athletics kept using...
Remember, Folks: Hating The Kansas City Royals Is Natural

Remember, Folks: Hating The Kansas City Royals Is Natural

As Kansas City fans celebrate their beloved Royals returning to the “postseason” — if tonight’s AL Wild Card Game qualifies as such, that is — the rest of us must take it upon ourselves to celebrate the magnificent douchebags that so populate their roster. Let’s begin with tonight’s starting pitcher: “Big Game” James Shields, or, as...
Lonnie Chisenhall Drives The Bus

Lonnie Chisenhall Drives The Bus

After Lonnie Chisenhall clubbed a go-ahead, two-run double off of All-Star closer Greg Holland in the top of the tenth inning last night, he drove the bus. Though the Indians and Royals did not get to finish the contest — it will be resumed in Cleveland on September 22 with the Indians leading 4-2 in...
Royals Review: "Royals Lose To Racists 3-2"

Royals Review: “Royals Lose To Racists 3-2″

  After leaving sixteen men on base — including the bases loaded with nobody out in the first inning — I can understand why Royals fans are upset with losing to the Indians last night. And after thirty years of following a team that has not made it to the playoffs, I can understand why Royals...
Salvador Perez Just Took A Pitch To The Dick

Salvador Perez Just Took A Pitch To The Dick

Being a catcher takes balls. It will be interesting to see if Salvador Perez has both of his tomorrow morning when he wakes up, because he just took a 55-foot Wade Davis slider in the crotch:   That’s what you get for being a Kansas City Royal. And living in Missouri.  
Hot Take: The Kansas City Royals Are The Worst

Hot Take: The Kansas City Royals Are The Worst

Last night the Kansas City Royals moved into first place and I immediately felt like vomiting. To be sure, I also hate the Detroit Tigers, who seem to have been atop the AL Central since George W. Bush was our president. But there is something about the Royals that is so much worse, namely, that they...