Musings
Google Reviews of the Golden Gate Bridge Are The Strongest Takes

Google Reviews of the Golden Gate Bridge Are The Strongest Takes

    Please do not ask me why I first looked at reviews of the Golden Gate Bridge, because I could not answer that question. All I know is I found myself looking at them one day, and the experience taught me that reading Google (or Yelp, or whatever) reviews of a place you wouldn’t think to...
Iker Casillas Wishes He Could Make a Save Like This One

Iker Casillas Wishes He Could Make a Save Like This One

Before Chile’s historic win over the reigning World and European champions Spain, there was a hilarious moment in which the ref got snubbed in the handshake line. If only Iker Casillas could make saves like this one, then maybe he would still be smiling.
Randolph, Vermont High School Mascot Really Looks Like a Member of the Ku Klux Klan

Randolph, Vermont High School Mascot Really Looks Like a Member of the Ku Klux Klan

Look. I get it, Randolph Union High School. Your mascot is the “Galloping Ghost(s).” What I don’t think you get is that a ghost on a horse kind of looks like a guy in a white sheet on a horse, which kind of looks like a member of the Klu Klux Klan. And when I...
Me and My Fucking Smartphone

Me and My Fucking Smartphone

(Approximately two months ago): Oh, wait, really? They make assemble the Motorola Moto X in America Texas? I will have to buy myself one of those, then. It will totally change my life. (Approximately fifteen hours ago): 6:11 am. Time to wake up. Because my smartphone says so. It played this totally dope revelry and then...
Don't Worry About It, But Cimorelli and I Have Reached Rock Bottom With "Made In America"

Don’t Worry About It, But Cimorelli and I Have Reached Rock Bottom With “Made In America”

I vividly remember the box of Nike basketball shoes. Laid at the foot of my bed on my ninth birthday, they were a peace-offering from my father. I had spent an afternoon during the previous week in the local shoe store, in tears, yearning for a pair of shoes that would make me fit in...
Giants Fan is Inadvertently a Horrible Racist, Proving Once Again That Giants Fans Are The Worst

Giants Fan is Inadvertently a Horrible Racist, Proving Once Again That Giants Fans Are The Worst

Adam Jones had a big old Sunday, capping a 4 RBI day with a 3 run shot in the ninth inning against the Giants at AT&T Park in San Francisco. He probably trotted out to the outfield in the bottom of the ninth feeling pretty alright with the world, knowing that his team is in...
Shut the Front Door: Yunel Escobar, Ben Zobrist Turn Ridiculous Double Play

Shut the Front Door: Yunel Escobar, Ben Zobrist Turn Ridiculous Double Play

I could write a lot of things about this, but I won’t. Instead, pay close attention to James Loney’s face: it says it all. Your browser does not support iframes. Time to get scared, Sox fans. These guys are like serially killers, mercilessly killing two people at a time with big, shit-eating grins on their...
All The Possible Reasons Why Albert Pujols Untucked Bartolo Colon's Jersey

All The Possible Reasons Why Albert Pujols Untucked Bartolo Colon’s Jersey

If you missed Bartolo Colon and Albert Pujols’ exchange last night, you missed a dandy. In Major League Baseball, we’re used to headlines about different kinds of interactions that take place between hitters and pitchers, the kind of interaction that Carlos Quentin and Zack Grienke have. It’s a funny thing, because baseball players generally seem...
Johnny and the Fallacy of Football Tradition

Johnny and the Fallacy of Football Tradition

Disclaimer: this is not a baseball post. But it is about Johnny Football, who, aside from Jason Kipnis, is Ricky and I’s favorite person in the world. Sorry, family members. Since poor ‘ol Johnny Manziel walked in late to Archie Manning’s center for the advancement of kids-who-throw-footballs-good, dehydrated or hungover, there has been the classic...
God Help Us All, It's the Home Run Derby

God Help Us All, It’s the Home Run Derby

COMMENCE DERBYIN’! (As narrated by Chris Berman <— CLICK ON THIS) WE GOT PITBULL ON THE STAGE, PEOPLE! Everyone knows that Pitbull is the perfect artist to open the spectacle that only 12 year olds and people who don’t understand baseball love. I think I’ve heard this song he’s “singing”, in a bud light commercial or...
Mike Moustakas: "Just Happy To Help Out The Opposing Team"

Mike Moustakas: “Just Happy To Help Out The Opposing Team”

When it comes to charity work, Mike Moustakas has been going above and beyond this season. The Kansas City Royals third baseman has been relentless in helping under-privelaged, opposing teams achieve their goal of winning. Some things you cannot quantify, like the pure effort it takes to repeatedly come up big for opponents in the...
Petco Hosts Clown Show; Hidden Ball Trick, Pablo Sandoval Fail

Petco Hosts Clown Show; Hidden Ball Trick, Pablo Sandoval Fail

The San Diego Padres came damn close to pulling the hidden ball trick on leading Clown-Show All-Star vote-getter, Pablo Sandoval. The only problem the Padres ran into: pitcher Sean O’Sullivan doesn’t know how things work. In the fifth inning of last night’s game, Pablo Sandoval hit his 10th double of the year — tying him...