David Huff is a former Indian. I can tell you from experience, he is a World Class Clown. It is lefties like him that make righties like us really hate our parents for not forcing us to throw left-handed from the moment we were born. I will never make this mistake as a parent. David Huff’s parents made the right decision, and just today David Huff had the first highlight of his surprisingly long Major League career:

Not only does Huff take a circuitous route to the ball, he makes a gorgeous backhanded-flip to Lyle Overbay at first to get the (decidedly not) speedy Josh Thole. It is worth noting that despite his tendency to pitch batting practice during real, live baseball games, Huff pitched 5 innings of scoreless baseball in a game in which he did not start. But that’s all I’m conceding. Huff sucks, the flip was lucky, carry on.

Except I, myself, refuse to carry on until we discuss David Cone’s riveting, and completely incoherent, analysis of the play:

“No way he makes this play. On this particular sac fl-, bunt, Overbay’s charging, Cano’s responsibility is to cover first, and it’s nowhere-, nowhere man land.”

Well, what a mess we have there. I would be more than willing to overlook him nearly saying “sac fly” instead of “sac bunt”, but there are several other things that I heard and refuse to pretend otherwise:

1. “Overbay’s charging…” No, he’s not. He almost immediately retreats to the bag.

2. “Cano’s responsibility is to cover first…” Well, no it’s not. Not unless Overbay is charging. Which he’s not. We went over that.

3. “No way he makes this play…” Okay. But he just made it, no? Who is “he”? Am I the stupid one, David? Mr. Cone? Who is “he”?

4. “Nowhere – Nowhere man land.” Nowhere man land! Is this “nowhere man” you speak of similar to Pearl Jam’s “Nothingman”? How existential of you! David… have you ever been to nowhere man land?

No way you make that play, though, am I right?