Guys, it’s Friday. If I’m being honest, I’ve been meaning to chronicle the insanely confusing Toby Keith song, “American Ride,” but have been writing about too much other stuff to get around to it. Like NASCAR races. And Home Run Derbies. And LeBron’s return to Cleveland.

So I’m going with a classic. It’s one of my favorite songs by the undisputed king of country music, George Jones. It begins with the four most iconic bars regarding alcoholism ever written in the English language:

“The bars are closed — it’s four in the morning

I must have shut ’em all down, with the shape that I’m in

I lay my head on the wheel and the horn begins honking

The whole neighborhood knows that I’m home drunk again.”

George Jones, ladies and gentleman! Yes, this is the same guy who — faced with the dilemma of having his keys taken away by his wife — drove a lawnmower into town so he could get drunk. More than once. Apocryphal? Perhaps. Possible? Absolutely.

Happy Friday. Don’t do that whole drinking and driving thing.