Nick’s picks in sinister, shifty, untrustworthy italics. 

Charlie’s bold picks, of course, in Bold. 

(Home teams in CAPS)

Dual Threat


1:00: MIAMI (-3) vs. Baltimore

NB: Ravens Seasonably Charitable; Donate Ass-kicking to Poe ‘Fins

1:00: CINCINNATI (-3) vs. Pittsburgh

NB: Ben ‘n Bell Make Red ‘n Green Blue

1:00: Indianapolis (-3) vs. CLEVELAND

NB: Luck Lops Hip-Hop-Hoyay’s O.P.P. Off as Colts Frown Browns and Antsy Manziel Gets TMZ Intravened

1:00: Houston (-6.5) @ JACKSONVILLE

NB: Watt’s as Intense as the Waiting STD’s in Jags’ Tub; Texican, Will, and Do Deliver

1:00: NY Giants (-2.5) @ TENNESSEE

NB: Tennessee Decides to Rest Up for 2015, Sink Titanically, and Loses In Absentia while Coughlin Scoffs at Hot Seat with Surprisingly Effete “Tsk, tsk” in Postgame Presser

1:00: NEW ORLEANS (-9) vs. Carolina

NB: Payton’s Saintly Satan in Superdome Home Haven Making Panthers Pants Hurt from Brees’ Blasting Ron Charlotte’s Behind

1:00: DETROIT (-10) vs. Tampa Bay

NB: Los Leones Brandish Offensive Cojones as Suh Twists McCown’s Tits to Bruised Bits of Honolulu Blue; Tampa Sees Detroit’s the Model T(eam) Today

1:00: St. Louis (-3) @ WASHINGTON

NB: Spirit of St. Louis Lies in its Fine D-Line but Once Colt’s Deployed, Their Spine Supine ; It’s a Surprising ‘Skin Stampede Thanks to Gruden Doing Deed aka RG3’D

1:00: MINNESOTA (-4) vs. NY Jets

NB: Jets Get (ahem) New Yorkishly Frugal, Avoiding Unnecessary Giveaways to Win First Road Game Since Taft (facts pending)

4:05: DENVER (-9.5) vs. Buffalo

NB: Buffalo’s Beefy, Beastly but Denver Dashes Dreams Like Peyton Threads Seams; Broncs Bash Williams and Williams

4:05: Kansas City (-3) @ ARIZONA

NB: ‘Zona Scalps Chiefs Prompting Phoenix City Council to Form/Quickly Dissolve “Arians’ Nation” Fan Club

4:25: San Francisco (8.5) @ OAKLAND

NB: Colin Crafts “Kaep’s Codpiece” which Him and Jim Don, Boosting Confidence, Niners’ Loin Looks and Playoff Prayers in disMANtling ‘Ders, FYI

4:25: PHILADELPHIA (-1) vs. Seattle

NB: Sanchez Pays Back Past Papa Pete for Trashing Mark’s Early Leap to League from ‘SC

8:30: New England (3.5) @ SAN DIEGO

NB: The Patriots are Much Better than the Chargers and Score Many More Points than Them

MNF: GREEN BAY (-13) vs. Atlanta

NB: Rodgers Dodges My ‘Double Check’ Disdain and Stains Falcons Insane South Lead

 

Season Standings:

Charlie: 45-41

Nick: 42-44