YouTube comment sections are the lowest of low-hanging fruit. It is where you can find the carcass of humanity rotting in an open field of internet. There is actually no reason to read YouTube comments, unless your self-esteem is low and you need a little pick-me-up, as I often do.

For that reason, I suppose, I found myself reading the comments underneath the video “Longest Home Runs in MLB History HD.” The fifteen-minute compilation is a case-study in quantity being inferior to quality, as blast after blast makes the viewer numb to the appreciable aspects of each homer. I honestly do not recommend it — I watched about 30% of it before fast-forwarding to the last couple of minutes and continuing. Anyway, our boy “Greg Jay” felt like he should chime in with his own personal “story”:

Screen Shot 2014-10-05 at 12.39.25 PM


We are in awe of you, Greg Jay. Your ability to run not very fast around the bases but still get all the way around home plate on it is unparalleled. Alternate theory to the one you seem to be postulating: when it felt like you were hitting “nothing,” perhaps you were actually hittin nothing and ran all the way around home plate and everyone felt so bad for you that they didn’t mention what actually happened.

Also, any sentence that starts, “you’re wrong pokey” is worthy of adulation and thorough analysis.

What does Greg Jay think about “ww2″? Funny you should ask…

Screen Shot 2014-10-05 at 12.53.24 PM


Amen, Greg Jay. Amen.