The following clip was brought to my attention in the same way it was probably brought to your attention: through Bill Simmons’ mailbag. I try not to read it, but I still read it. Go ahead, judge me.

Terry Bradshaw’s corpse looks best whilst convulsing, we can surely all agree upon that. The yellow flag that falls in between his legs kind of kills the moment, but pay no attention: the Browns will go on to win this contest.

This hit has not only been immortalized in Cleveland sports history, but it has even made its way onto Urban Dictionary, a definitive statement of legacy:

“The Turkey Jones: To suplex someone at an inappropriate moment, usually during any minor or pro sport other than wrestling. Often a rookie mistake by over anxious defensive players in the NFL.”

The Turkey Jones, ladies and gentleman! Fair warning: I would not go around using “Turkey Jones” in common conversation, as it only has seven “thumbs ups” on Urban Dictionary, which is about as many likes as my Instagram pictures get.

Okay, so are we done with this story yet? Of course not! Time to hear what Terry Bradshaw pretends he remembers from that day:

Watch this video because I am not allowed to embed it.

So the Pittsburgh Steelers’ trainers — if that’s even what you could call these fucking guys — ripped off a locker room door, strapped Terry Bradshaw to it, and left him sitting in the tunnel while the game came to a close. Granted, all people who have spent time with Bradshaw have probably wanted to do this to him for no reason, but the guy had just been knocked clean unconscious. A locker room door, in the tunnel? Good god. Then, they put him on the plane back to Pittsburgh still strapped to the locker room door, where he would finally be revived by smelling salts, ostensibly. The fact that Bradshaw claims to remember these things happening is a true testament to how much FOX pays him to say positive things about the NFL, then and now.

Happy Turkey Day everybody, and may your day be as fun as watching an asshole get pile-driven into the ground.