ESPN’s mobile app, ScoreCenter, is truly the worst. I still use it because I find it comically bad, and therefore, amusing. The latest round of amusement came when I was lying in bed this morning at 10 am. I thought to myself, “I wonder what World Cup games are on today? Perhaps my phone can tell me. Perhaps ESPN ScoreCenter could be my purveyor of information.”

I clicked on the app. It got weird, fast.

wc #1

Oh, okay, hockey scores… US Open scores… ad for the World Cup. No World Cup scores or schedule (though, you may notice, I could’ve scrolled down and found the soccer scores, but I was just waking up.) So clicked on the drop down menu, in the upper left-hand corner.

wc #2

Lots of sports. No soccer. But there is NASCAR. No soccer. There is the NFL, which isn’t being played and won’t be for several months. No soccer, that sport they are playing a lot right now because it’s the World Cup. I scrolled down, to where it said “more sports.”

wc #3

I clicked on “more sports.”

wc #4

Oh, there is soccer! Just underneath Golf, Tennis, Auto Racing, MMA — fucking MMA! — and Boxing. I clicked on Soccer. Spoiler alert: this doesn’t get less weird.

wc #5

We’ve got the European Championships, showing results from 2012 (if you pick the right date on the calender, that is, because the results they show are from the zero European Championships played today, two years after the tournament ended). We’ve got Champions League results, which in all fairness only ended like a month ago. Premier League results, similar situation. Major League Soccer: oh baby! And we have the CONCACAF Gold Cup, in case you were interested in a tournament nobody cares about that ended a year ago.

Conspicuously absent, you may have noticed, is the World Cup. In all fairness, it’s just the World Cup. That international tournament that attracts billions of viewers every four years. That tournament they had an advertisement for on “The Lead,” where they also presumably had the schedule and results of if I’d been prescient enough to not go through this nauseating maze of ScoreCenter impotence. Anyway, I clicked on tournaments, because I figured the World Cup might be there (though at this point I really couldn’t be sure).

 wc #6

Hey, there’s the World Cup! Right underneath the English FA Cup, Johnstone’s Paint Trophy (don’t worry guys, Peterborough United won), Capital One Cup, English FA Community Sh…, French Coupe de France, French Coupe de la Ligue, and German DFB Pokal. It’s in alphabetical order, you say? Nope. It’s in no discernible order whatsoever. Because why would it be?

I clicked on World Cup, and finally landed in the promised land:

wc #6 (1)

A full 90 seconds later I had the results from yesterday.

Thank you, ScoreCenter: my life would be far less interesting without you.