Ian Kennedy

(Image courtesy of ESPN’s Sweet Spot Blog)

I will be brutally honest: I have never, did not this year, and never will prepare for my fantasy baseball draft. It is very similar to the way I order at a restaurant. After looking at the menu for about fifteen seconds, I put it down, and declare that my ordering will come as a “game-time decision”. Has this worked out for me? In restaurants, always. In fantasy baseball? Well, last year I finished fourth out of ten. This year I currently sit in eleventh place out of twelve. So, the verdict is: unclear.

The only player who has truly shamed me this year — and I was the asshole who picked Tim Lincecum in the tenth round — is the one, the only, indefatigable Ian Kennedy. Here is a list of starting pitchers who were drafted after I made the Kennedy pick in the eleventh round. (Yes, that’s right, I used 118th pick to select Tim Lincecum, and the 123rd pick to select Ian Kennedy. This is why I will not regularly be writing fantasy baseball columns).

Lance Lynn

Hiroki Kuroda

Matt Harvey

Clay Buchholz

Hisashi Iwakuma

Shelby Miller

Alex Cobb

Derek Holland

For those scoring at home, that is eight different starting pitchers who will vie for All-Star honors over the next few weeks, while Ian Kennedy’s fantasy-corpse rots in the desert, collecting flesh-eating flies.

Kennedy was merely Ian Kennedy through the first two months of the year- as of June 1st, he was 3-3 with a 4.74 ERA. He was coming fresh off an absolute gem against the Killer Cubbies- 7 IP, 3 H, 4 ER, 1 BB, 7 K.

Hey, that’s almost a quality start!

And then, Ian Kennedy made his bid for rock-bottom. Take a gander at this line he put up against the St. Louis Cardinals: 4 IP, 10 ER, 13 H, 2 BB, 4 K, 3 HR.

I will give you a minute to let that sink in.

Ok, one more time: 4 IP, 10 ER, 13 H, 2 BB, 4 K, 3 HR. In one outing, his ERA went from 4.74 to 5.72. According to PITCHf/x, Kennedy threw 99 pitches and produced exactly 2 swings-and-misses. Ian Kennedy might need to quit pitching and work on his track, “I got 99 Pitches, but a good pitch aint one”.

So why not drop him, you might be asking? Well that is what I will be doing, twenty seconds after I publish this post.

Until then, thank you, Ian Kennedy. You have actually made me sort of consider preparing for my fantasy baseball draft next season.