Anybody who has ever watched Jose Valverde pitch knows that he is a grade-a, cold-blooded clown. I see this Tigers fan at work most days, and every time I see him he throws his head back in pain, and whispers, “Valverde!” to the ceiling. Mind you, Valverde might have saved a game on three pitches the night before, but this guy appreciates baseball, unlike anybody who has ever appreciated having Jose Valverde close out games for their baseball team. Now, his run as closer for the Tigers is either over, or in serious jeopardy. The Tigers have stated that they hope Valverde will accept a demotion, which would really give the city of Toledo something to finally be excited about.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I spoke to soon when I said Chris Perez was a lock to close games for the Clown Show’s All Star Team. I forgot about the biggest clown of them all, the worst thing to ever happen to Major League Baseball: Jose Rafael Valverde. And when I say he is the worst thing to ever happen to Major League Baseball, I’m leaving out one important fact: when he is in tip-top-clown-show form, he is grooving 92-mph, belt-high fastballs to some of our favorite hitters. I’m looking at you A’s fans — admit that the greatest moment in Oakland’s magical 2012 season was scoring 3 runs off of Jose Valverde to win Game 4 of the ALDS, and admit that 85% of what made it so great was watching Valverde hang his head in despair. Let’s go to the tape, shall we? (Disclaimer: I saw no shots of Valverde hanging his head, which was extremely disappointing).


Valverde could take a line drive to the head and I wouldn’t feel a thing.

Thus, we have reached a paradox: Valverde is the necessary villain, the icing on the cake when it comes to hating the Tigers. If he can keep doing the things he did this year, like giving up 4 earned runs on 10 pitches to the Orioles on Wednesday, then it is necessary that we all cheer for him to do good enough to make it back into the Tigers bullpen, and bad enough to blow some big games while facing the Indians, A’s, and other American League teams that we cheer for.

Viva Valverde, so he can blow another save or five.