Photo Credit - Boomer-44

Photo Credit – Boomer-44

Friends, I bring sad tidings. Manny Ramirez, in every way this site’s spirit animal, is leaving Taiwanese baseball.

I know, I know. How bright his sweet light shined, and oh how quickly it should fade into the great night, until it is one with the moon; a perfect orb traveling ceaselessly – seamed, parabolic. He burned so brightly.

The tiny island of Taiwan could never contain the lion that is Manny, with all of his heart, not touching home plate after 30 second home run trots, or slides to break up double plays. While he was there, we were treated to an escalating cavalcade of home run videos with announcers too amped up on Manny to contain themselves. We salute you, heroes of the broadcast, for so perfectly capturing the soul of Manny Ramirez. English, as a language, could never quite portray the unbridled joy of his home runs, the thunder of his lumber, the colossus of his clout. I understand film of his eight long balls complete with Taiwanese commentary will be placed in our Library of Congress as national treasures. May they warm us during our coldest nights.

Without any further ado, let’s watch some home runs! Here are two of the best moments of Manny’s summer vacation.

For many of us, this was our introduction to Manny Does Taiwan; how it seems like only yesterday:

And the pinnacle of broadcasting, ladies and gentlemen:

Fortunately, this is not the final chapter of Manny’s storied career. Rumors are that he has signed with a Japanese team, possibly the Chiba Lotte Marines, who have had employed other former MLB greats such as Benny Agbayani, Julio Franco, and Hideki Irabu. They were even managed by Bobby Valentine for many years, a man whose mere mention causes me to grab my knees, rock back and forth, and want to vomit.

And so we at The Clown Show bid adieu to this most excellent era we shared with Manny Angelico, and cross our fingers that the Japanese announcers and fans will show the same sort of batshit crazy reverence and excitement each time he slugs one out. Because he’s not done yet – by god, as long as there are balls to be hit long gone, just like an ex-girlfriend that will never return, home run – he’s not done yet.