Credit: Keith Allison

Credit: Keith Allison

In case you didn’t know, Melky Cabrera is not that good at baseball without the aid of steroids. Remember when he had a super quick bat despite that dumb, loopy swing? Not so much anymore. I’m not going to comment on the ethics of steroid use, but I will say that the All Star Game MVP of last year, former Giants-great-turned-pariah Melky Cabrera could sure use some of that old medicine right now.

Case in point, last night – I was in the terrible bar next to my place of work, filled to the brim with sales guys trying to get in the pants of the new interns, having dinner and a beer waiting for a friend to get off work. There on the TV was the Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim – Blue Jays game, with Josh Johnson on the bump doing his customary ‘wait, am I not the batting practice pitcher?’ routine. I wasn’t eating pasta, but good lord were there a lot of meatballs flying around. Out of the first 15 Los Angels California Angels of Anaheim batters, 10 got hits. You read that right. The Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim were batting .667 against Josh Johnson after FIFTEEN people hit the ball in play. Did I mention he walked two people? Josh Johnson is a clown. My friend in my fantasy league has always been really hot on Josh Johnson, this year included. My friend is in last place in my league.

But I digress.

Bottom of the 3rd, Jays getting hammered 5-0. Mark Trumbo just singled for his 3rd hit of the night. Up steps Erick Aybar, who slaps a single to left center field on the second pitch of the at bat. Into the channel comes Melky, he fields cleanly (but then again, why would he backhand the ball?), and then:

Courtesy of MLB GIFs

Field field field and throw wait why isn’t the ball in the air in front of me? F*CK! Where’s the ball where where 360 SPIN MOVE! Found it! Throw throw GOT IT RIGHT!

Big Mark Trumbo, the inexorable speed demon of the Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim, scored easily on the play.

But hold the phone – this isn’t the first time Melky has been seen clownin’ around in the outfield. Ladies and gentlemen, I now produce Exhibit A:

The only thing that could’ve possibly made this better would have been if the bases had been loaded. Still, creating an inside the park three run homer is still an impressive achievement. I like a lot of things about this video; the terrible throw, the fact that the right fielder was absolutely no where to be found so Melky himself had to retrieve his most horrible of throws, and the camera shot of the lonely ball trickling the wrong way in center field. It’s poetry.

Following Melky’s most recent jag in the outfield, he was promptly replaced and put on the 15 day DL. What for?

For “Knee Irritation”.

Just to be clear, he was not sent to the DL for the horrible shame of being a Major League Baseball player and throwing the ball behind him on a routine play. That was completely unrelated. Completely. Unrelated.