Quad-Stage Cold Activation

Behold the secret recipe for Quad-Stage Cold Activation. Go forth, my children, and spread it amongst your brethren, whether they be friend or supposed foe.


1 Souvenir Cup (Large, with team logo emblazoned on it)

2 Cans of Coors Light (Two Stage Cold Activation activated, obviously)

1 Entire Tray of Ice Cubes Made of Coors Light (This is the tricky part)

Secret Recipe:

1. Pour both cans of Coors Light into souvenir cup. This cup must hold two whole cans of Coors Light, or the Quad Stage Cold Activation could turn into Three Stage Cold Activation, and really that’s only one step up from Two Stage Cold Activation, and at that point you might as well just be drinking half frozen Coors Light. This is not that, and I pity the fool who might seek to equate the two.

2. Take out ice cube tray full of Coors Light ice cubes. You didn’t forget to make the ice cubes, did you? What the hell do you think this is? You had one job! If you planned ahead, put as many Coors Light ice cubes into your cup of Coors Light as possible. If not, drink your soon to be lukewarm Coors Light and hang your head, because you have disgraced Coors Brewing Company and innovative/entrepreneurial tailgaters everywhere.

3. Enjoy the ice cold, brewed with pure rocky mountain spring water, now Quad Stage Cold Activated beer that won’t get warm, because now there are ice cubes made of beer floating in it. Coors Light – it “Won’t Slow You Down“.

That was an actual Coors Light slogan for a little while. Because you don’t get drunk off Coors Light, you get alive.