Our national hockey team is taking on Team Canada in a couple of hours, and you need to call in sick (or watch from your desk), tie American flag bandanas around your head, paint your face red, white and blue, and start drinking American beers at 11:45 am for this one: it’s going to be fucking epic. To get us all in the mood, I’ve handpicked four ridiculously patriotic videos for our viewing pleasure. I’m hoping to provide a roller coaster of emotions that we can channel into our inevitable “USA” chants. Buckle up.

Also, Dear Canada,

It’s cool that your ladies’ hockey team pulled one out of their ass today against our ladies’ hockey team.  I know how much you guys care about your ladies’ hockey team and everything. Seriously, super impressive. I mean, it is your national sport and everything, and it’s like, our fifth favorite. But seriously, super impressive. And I’m sure you care about today’s game equally much. Maybe even a little more? See, we really don’t give a fuck about hockey. I watch hockey approximately ten times a year. It’s a really dope sport, I just watch too many of these other sports that we like way more (and are way better at) to keep up with it. For example, I haven’t been this excited about a sporting event in almost two weeks (the Super Bowl). But when we play you guys in hockey, I get really excited about beating you. I get really excited to ruin your day. Yes, you’ve beaten us in some big games recently (2002, 2010). And it ruined my day, but that represents about .1% of America. And I’m an ignorant American that loves winning. And I kinda think we’re gonna win this game. Cheers.


Warning: not for the liberal at heart (this video is ridiculous):

Warning: this kid will make you cry:

Warning, to all Canadians: history repeats itself.

I can’t wait.