The New York Yankees were probably feeling pretty fucking cool, what being up 8-3 after five and a half innings. They had knocked out the best pitcher in the American League, homered off him twice, and then went on to hit one more ding dong, off Mike Clevinger.

This was the exact moment I began considering why I even bother to watch baseball, as Clevinger was likely wondering why he ever gave up his professional rollerblading career to become a pitcher:

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One thing that really drives me nuts about the Yankees is how goddamn handsome all of their players are. I mean look at Greg Bird, just look at this fucking guy:

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Ouch dude! Ouch!

Aaron Judge, anyone?

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I don’t have to even check to know that the first autofill when you begin to google Bird or Judge’s name is “(Greg Bird/Aaron Judge) wife” or “(Greg Bird/Aaron Judge) married?” And I get it! I almost googled the same thing last night.

Also I’m not saying Gary Sanchez is a ten, but he’s got some vicious Dad Bod going on and I would absolutely do him if that’s something I were into.

But hey, you know who else is pretty damn good looking and hit a grandslam last night? That’s right, Francisco Miguel Lindor, folks. Ever heard of him?

Jay Bruce and his swing get better looking by the day.

Yan Gomes? YAN GOMES ANYBODY?! Sexiest man alive.

The Cleveland Indians aren’t here to win beauty pageants, though. And good thing, cuz the Yankees might have them beat in that department. The Cleveland Indians certainly aren’t here to make friends, either. They are here to win 9 more god dang ballgames, and it’s getting me aroused.