stephen drew red sox

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Look, I’m not interested in bitching about A-Rod’s contract, or Josh Hamilton’s, or Albert Pujols’. I consider that boring. So here is a look at a couple heinous contracts that might fly under the radar.

Joe Blanton (6.5 million this year, 8 million in 2014)- My girlfriend recently spent some time with Joe Blanton, and she said he was a very nice guy (I want to make it extremely clear that she is not one of the women pictured with Swisher and Blanton on the front page). I wasted no time telling her what I thought, which is that he is an overpaid clown. Some might call Joe Blanton an “innings-eater”, and if that is what he has been eating that would at least explain the belly. And it is true, Blanton has been eating nearly six innings per start this season. The only problem is that while Joe Blanton is eating all those innings, hitters are chewing up his pitches, spitting them out, and then smacking them all over the baseball field. Blanton has given up a league-leading 111 hits in just 13 starts. After today’s horrendous outing in Boston, Blanton’s ERA has ballooned to 5.87.

American League hitters are certainly glad Blanton is still in the league, sporting a .332/.363/.530 slash line against him. While Blanton does have an astronomically high BABIP, at .363, that is to be expected when your stuff is so bad that hitters are swinging and missing at your sinker 0.7% of the time.

But how could the Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim possibly have seen this coming? I mean, Blanton was lighting the world on fire in 2012, in the very same city the Angels claim to inhabit: he was 2-4 with a 4.99 ERA down the stretch for the Dodgers. Perhaps it was something in the more distant past that made the Angels fork over 15 million for two glorious years of Mr. Blanton; in 2007, he was a stellar-ly mediocre 14-10 with a 3.95 ERA with the Oakland A’s. And 2007 was pretty much yesterday in pitching years.

Stephen Drew (9.5 Million this year)- Take a bow, Stephen. You successfully convinced the Red Sox they wanted to pay just about ten million dollars to get you in their clubhouse, so you could whine, moan, and hit .234.

Quick, how much is Troy Tulowitzki making this year? If you said 10 million dollars, tap the rockies and treat yourself to a Quad-Stage Activated Coors Light!

Here is an incomplete list of shortstops who get paid less than Stephen Drew:

-Asdrubal Cabrera

-Elvis Andrus

-Alexei Ramirez

-Johnny Peralta

-Jed Lowrie

-J.J. Hardy

-Erick Aybar

Drew is a fine defensive shortstop. Obviously, that’s why the Red Sox signed him in a pinch. But he hasn’t hit a lick since the steroids ran out in Phoenix, and he happens to be a member of the worst baseball family to ever exist. The Red Sox foolishly did not have faith that Jose Iglesias could be their everyday shortstop, so they threw what amounts to Boston chump-change at Stephen Drew, and I’m going to go ahead and reserve the right to hate on that.

Because nothing says “we are too rich and tired of negotiating with Scott Boras” like a 9.5 million, one-year deal for Stephen Oris Drew. (Note: “Oris” is not a typo. That is his middle name.)

Bobby Bonilla (1.2 million/year until he turns 72 years old)- Sorry, Mets fans. It was necessary.