Credit - CSN Bay Area

Credit – CSN Bay Area

I was just on vacation around Boston taking some much needed time off from the monotony of moonlighting as a hack journalist, which, due to all of this baseless trash talking, is exhausting. I originally wrote this on my phone, probably while drunk; nevertheless, I was compelled to do so after looking at the front page of the Boston Globe’s Sports page and seeing Dan Shaughnessy’s article about Ryan Braun’s PED suspension. This is the same article that starts with this sentence:

‘Just call him Lyin’ Ryan.’

ZING!

Well played, Shaugny! Now that is an attention grabber. I know of exactly one place where the words “Lying” and “Ryan” rhyme, and that is in very specific parts of Boston. Imagine The Shaug’s excitement when he discovered that his distinct, grating vernacular could be employed for journalistic effect. He must’ve skipped ovah to the fackin’ fens aftah pahkin’ his fackin’ cah in some wicked fackin’ paht a’ Hahvahd! Shaggy Shaughnessy on a bender, look out! Hide yo kids, hide yo wives!

To be fair, I was born in Boston and lived there for a few years, and couldn’t say ‘car’ properly for many years. However, I am no longer an idiot.

Also of note is Dan’s employment of what I like to call the “Phoenix Online Journalism 101 School of Journalism”, in which the author of an article writes an attention grabbing, punchy first line so as to try and get the reader to actually read their shitty article. It’s called the lede, and TigerShaug’s ledes always suck. For your enjoyment, here are a few of  them taken completely out of context:
“This place is still a dump. And I love it.”
“Hitting is not this easy.” (he began this article with a quote from The Who’s ‘Pinball Wizard’)
“Five games of blood and thunder.”
You might be saying to yourself “what the hell do you know about journalism?”. If you read this site frequently, you know not a lot. In fact, you might be interested to know that the only grade I got in a class in college was in Journalism 101 at Mount Holyoke. I might have been the only guy in the class at an all women’s college. I might have gotten an A. This would be the high water mark for me in respects to both women and grades.

“The Shank”, in perhaps his greatest moment as both a man and journalist, wrote an article earlier this year in which he baselessly accused David Ortiz of steroid use. Hey, listen, David Ortiz did do steroids. Everyone knows that. But Dan decided to take it to an entirely new level by accusing Ortiz of still doing them, just because Ortiz started the season off red hot and because Ortiz is from the Dominican Republic. That’s right. It’s like saying that every person from Boston with Irish ancestors is a drunk.

Wait a second… maybe the Sloppy Shaug is onto something!

Oh, and did I mention that The Shaug writes almost exclusively about Boston sports and Ortiz plays for the Boston Red Sox? You know you’ve reached a new level of hack journalism when you unapologetically debase your home town team and the players on it.

Even better is the fact that the owner of that team just bought the Boston Globe, Sloppy Shaug’s employer, causing Sloppy Shaug to turn right around with some major kiss ass in his most recent article. Whoops! Could get fired! Allow me to remove both of my feet from my mouth!

People like Bruce Allen, contributor to Boston Sports Media Watch, say these sorts of things:
“I’ve said it before, and will say it again. The best thing the Globe ever did was put Shaughnessy behind the paywall.”
If you’re wondering how a hack journalist could get away with insulting another hack journalist, or how it’s ironic that someone who drinks a lot and was born in Boston from Irish stock is insulting drunks from Boston with Irish ancestors , congratulations, you’ve just now realized what this website is all about. Blatant hypocrisy!

But there’s a difference between me and the curly haired one they call The ShaugDoag – he takes himself seriously, even if no one else does.

Endnote: if someone with close ties to Dan Shaughnessy could forward this along to him so as to expedite the start of a Twitter war, I’d appreciate it.