I was listening to the Indians game this afternoon when Tom Hamilton — who routinely puts the “America” in “United States of America” — and his soft-spoken-sidekick, Jim Rosenhaus, had an eyebrow-raising exchange about the babes that attend Arizona State. I am bad with technology so I have transcribed the entire conversation for your viewing pleasure instead of somehow posting a recording of it.

The following discussion occurred with two outs in the top of the tenth inning, as Kole Calhoun stepped to the plate to begin a two-run Angels rally (but don’t worry, the Tribe won). Also, when I indicate that there is a “(Pitch),” I mean to say I’m omitting the parts of the conversation that were boring and baseball-related.

“Left-handed hitting Kole Calhoun… played with Jason Kipnis in Tempe at Arizona State University… (Pitch)… Because of the scenery on campus at Arizona State, they’ve got a pretty good curve for your grades. You go there and you do 2.5 grade work, that’s an ‘A’. (Pitch) Because you go to North Dakota State? You don’t have the same kind of distractions there.”

Rosie: “You talking about the cactus there, at Arizona?”

Hamilton: “Yes. Very distracting.” 

(Pitch)

Hamilton: “I know one thing, all the kids that are playing in the Arizona Fall League, when they get a day off, they’re NOT in Goodyear!”

(Laughter)

Rosie: “Really?!”

Hamilton: “Yeah! ‘Hey, let’s, let’s go to the library at Arizona State University!'”

(More Laughter)

Rosie: “Well, they should be applauded for that.”

Hamilton: “I think so too!”

(Pitch)

Rosie: “Nothing wrong with expanding their horizons, getting on a college campus…”

Hamilton: “It’s all about life’s journey. Sometimes that path takes you to the library.”

Ah, yes, another life lesson courtesy of Tom Hamilton and his borderline bigotry. And just so nobody is confused: I absolutely love Tom Hamilton and these ridiculous moments during his broadcasts. He’s one of the best in the business at calling a game, and you just never know what he’s going to say next.

 

Cover Image (of Arizona State’s Jason Kipnis touching home after what was presumably a three-run bomb) by Barry Stahl.