Lil RoRo:

Question: Is Dominos pizza worth eating, even if it’s free?

Before tonight, I would have said that’s an easy yes. After tonight, I’m really not so sure.

Let me set it up for you: when a no hitter is thrown, Dominos gives the first 10,000 subscribers to who answer some newfangled email a free medium pan pizza. If you haven’t had a new pan pizza from Dominos, let me spare you the surprise: it’s tantamount to eating a loaf of bread soaked in butter, covered in meat and cheese, then cooked at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. Sounds great. Is great in your mouth. Not so great when it reaches your upper intestine.

Ricky Automatic:

We rolled up to the Dominos on Grand Avenue, like, whoa. We had already ordered our 2-topping handmade pan pizzas: I had ordered a pizza with green peppers and onions. Lil’ Roro had ordered green peppers and pepperoni. Additionally, I had ordered cheesy bread, with a side of ranch dressing, like a fucking asshole. As if Dominos medium pizza wouldn’t make me sick enough.

Homer Bailey, he of the 4+ career ERA, we thank you for throwing a no-no, and making Dominos pizza sound appetizing. Homer Bailey, you are a goddamned dickhead for making us believe Dominos pizza sounded appetizing. Check yourself.

Our pizzas were free. My cheesy bread was 7.50. They didn’t even include the ranch dressing, which I found out upon “unveiling my handmade pan pizza” (that’s actually what it says on the box). I asked the nice lady who worked at Dominos: “Were you busier tonight, considering the no-hitter last night?!”

She looked confused. “Uhhh, I’m not sure…”

Her counterpart behind the counter interjected, “No, you’re the first people who have used the promotional code.”

We celebrated by pumping our fists in the air. We were like Lewis and Clark, discovering things on the west coast.

We went home with our pizzas, cheesy bread, and dual twelve-packs of Budweiser (complete with the American-flag detailing). We consumed everything and got sick. It was not due to the Budweiser.

The Indians and A’s lost close games, though Jason Kipnis did hit a three-run, inside-the-park home-run, knocking Aaron¬†Alex Gordon out cold in the process. I enjoyed it. My politically correct friends were worried about Gordon for awhile.

I will be damned if that pizza was not free.

Lil RoRo:

The more beer we drank, the more inept the defense for both of our chosen teams seem to get; pretty sure Cespedes made three horrendous errors in the outfield for the A’s, and our beloved Jason Michael Kipnis should’ve snagged a ball hit pretty much right at him. Then again, because it was Jason Michael Kipnis, there was pretty obviously a curse put on him, or someone slipped him a roofie in the dugout. Only reason for it.

Dominono. Never again.

Until another no hitter. Then fine, yes, ok, mannnnn, ok, I guess we’ll do it.